Scared

Friday , 1, May 2015 Leave a comment

Ugh….I hate to say this, but I’m scared.   The negative “what if’s” are starting to creep in.  I believe this is only naturally when making a HUGE life changing decision, but I sure hate the feelings it brings.

As we are getting closer and closer to selling the house and purchasing the boat, things are starting to become more of a reality.  We have had two offers on our house which we have not worked out, but I know that we are not far off from finding the right deal and then what????  While I have been slowly downsizing our stuff, there is still ALOT more that needs to be done.  I am sad to leave our house that we have made so many great memories.   Our plan now is to find a rental until we move onboard our boat in the summer of NEXT year…..as I type this I can’t believe it is only a year away.

Which brings up another point….the boat, our soon to be home.  We have been looking but have not found the right one yet.  We are narrowing our search and have started a solid list of “must haves”.  Some have questioned our desire to make this adventure on a sailboat with two young children and not a more “stable” vessel of a troller or other such motor boat.   I have to admit when I look at the interior of such vessel’s it is rather enticing with so much space inside and out.  BUT, I stand firm, or stubborn, in my vision of our family on a sailboat, so the search continues for the perfect or near perfect sailboat for us.  So much needs to be done to find this boat and then once we find it, get it to our location and start fixing it up to be our own.  The feelings are overwhelming at this point as the amount that needs to be done before we leave in a year.  My  original outline of things to do seems so meager now that time is creeping in….I need a whole book to write down everything that needs to be accomplished.

In the meantime, I might have a new job position in the making which brings up more questions of the right timing.  Can I get a seemingly perfect job and then bail in a year??? I tell myself that jobs will come and go and I will be able to find another one in the future, but my two precious daughters will only be this age once and spending this time with them in the next year or two is a once in a lifetime experience….something that no “perfect” job can fulfill.  But still, the feelings of doubt continue to creep….is this the right timing?

I gain some comfort in asking myself that in 30 or 40 years from now when I am old and my children have grown what will I look back on and regret?  Without hesitation, I can say if we do not take this leap of faith of cruising with our family, I will regret this.  Because I this, I feel confident to push forward with our plans, however I would be lying to say I am not scared.

Scared to leave the comforts we have come to expect, scared of the unknown, scared of safety issues, scared to leave friends and family, scared to make such a drastic change and the path that it will lead us down….will it be the right one for our family?

So, in my times of doubt, here are some quotes to keep me pushing forward….

“Great things never came from comfort zones.”

“If we wait until we are ready, we will be waiting the rest of our lives.”

“If your dreams don’t scare you, they are not big enough.”

“Decide you want it more than you are afraid of it.”-Bill Crosy

“Making a big life change is scary, But what is even scarier? Regret.”

“Courage does not mean you don’t get afraid.  Courage mean you don’t let fear stop you.”

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